i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
