You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
