I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
