so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
