I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
