There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
