Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize