strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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