Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
