At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Im part way to drunk.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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