Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
