yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
