So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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