I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
