in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
where does the pee come out of this thing
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
