By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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