If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
