Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
