I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
