Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
