I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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