Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
