i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
