Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
