Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
