Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
do herpes really smell.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
