Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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