youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
