haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
