beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
