Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize