i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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