Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize