I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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