He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
