We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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