Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
