yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
