Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
