This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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