i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
