Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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