My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
