i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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