yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
