wat bout pragnant strippers??
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
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