just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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