So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
