If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
