Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
