I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
