well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
