Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize