woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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