I love black thongs
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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