Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
