I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
