you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
