did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
