All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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