She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
