FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize