Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
