she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
