Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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