I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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