I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
