worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
