well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
