He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
