I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
